Oh! Not Good!
by gemini69
Summary: Hermione Granger has terrible luck and it's just getting worse. Throw in Malfoy and you get the worst luck and best laughs.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N- Okay here is another story that just kinda popped into my head. I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block with Fighting Back and The Hunter so this is my way of pushing past that. I just read the line "oh, this will not end well." and decided to make something out of it. So you know it will be post HBP but I am keeping Dumbeldore alive for my own reasons, also Malfoy took Dumbeldore up on his offer of protection for him and his mother.So here goes. . ._

**_Chapter 1- The Worst Luck_**

Hermione Jane Granger had to have the worst luck of anyone that I had ever known. First she's born with frizzy hair and buck teeth, then she ended up being a know-it-all bookworm. On top of all of that she's a muggleborn, or as some of the pureblood wizards liked to call her a mudblood. She was seventeen, in her last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and had never had a boyfriend. She thought that she was such a loser.

Sorry for that. I started off in a ramble. Well, I guess for youto truly understand I'll have to start from the beginning which is actually the very beginning of her seventh year at Hogwarts. However, before I do that let me give you a little more detailed background.

Miss Granger learned at the age of eleven that she was a witch. She had been very anxious over the fact and had been all to excited to start at her new school, so she had rushed to get books explaining the wizarding world to her. Most of the details had fascinated her and made her all the more eager, however she realized that there was a nasty side to the wizarding world too. A fair few of pureblood wizards looked down on 'her kind' as they say. They believed that her being born to muggles made her lower than dirt. Miss Granger however kept her head high and was determined to prove to all purebloods that she was equal.

In her first year at Hogwarts she had discovered that her intelligence made many shy away from her.However, when she was cornered in the girl's bathroom by a fully grown mountain troll one night, barely escaping,she realized that life is all too short.She quicklybecame friends with two of the most amazing people that she had ever met, who also happened to be the two people that saved her,Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter. The three of them quickly became known as the 'Golden Trio' after defeating the obstacles protecting the Sorcerer's Stone and Harrydefeating Voldemort (momentarily).

In her second year she had been turned into a cat by Polyjuice Potion gone wrong. She waspetrified shortly afterwards by a basilisk. Sheand her two best friends had taken on a loony proffessor (though that was more the boys than it was her), Harry took on the basilisk that had petrified her, and once again Harry fought Voldemort. They had rescued Ron's little sister from Voldemort's clutches, and Harry freed the poor house elf Dobby.

In third year they had to pull together to keep Harry's dangerous emotions in check. They cleared an innocent man's name, rescued that man from certain death, saved a hippogryph who had been sentenced to death, and had used a timeturner for the first time. Hermione had used the time turner throughout the entire year because of her double work load in school.

Year four brought the Triwizard Tournament in which Harry was entered against his own will. Hermione helped Harry through all of the tasks easily, yet the Yule Ball presented her with a problem. She had realized around second year that she just was not attractive to the male of the species. However, she was asked by none other than the famous Bulgarian Quidditch player Viktor Krum, which was cause for amazing ridicule and embarrassing rumors. That was the night that she made her debut at Hogwarts as a young woman, and a beautiful one at that!

Fifth year had been difficult as well as they all had to face Harry's ever growing anger and hostility. Hermione became more and more scared by the 'vivions' that Harry had instead of dreams. They faced Umbridge's tyranical acts against the students and staff of their precious school. They fought their way through hords of Death Eaters and Hermione was badly injured.Lastly they had to lose one of their dearest friends, Sirius, Harry's godfather.

Sixth year went much the same for Hermione. There were strange attacks happening to many students. Eventually it was discovered that Draco Malfoy was behind all of it. He was ordered by Voldemort to killthe headmasteror his mother would die. When he finally corneredthe headmasteron the Astronomy Tower he couldn't do it and was offered protection by the very man that he was meant to kill. He and his mother took the offer eagerly and went into hiding with the Order of the Pheonix. Thankfullythe headmasterlived though many were injured and some even killed when Death Eaters raided the school with the help of Malfoy (before he changed sides). It was one of the most difficult years of their lives. They lost friends and loved ones in that terrible battle.

Having finally learned of the Horcruxes however the trio set out to find and destroy them over the summer. When they only found two Harry and Ron refused to go back to Hogwarts though Miss Granger was ordered back by her parents, proffessors, and the headmaster himself. She could not disobey. Ginny Weasley was also forbidden to take part in the perilous journey the boys would face.

Hermione was offered the position of Head Girl which she greatfully accepted. Just as she thought her luck was looking up, her parents were murdered by the Death Eaters during a muggle masacre. She spent the rest of her summer vacation at the Burrow with the Weasleys where she was made an official member of the Order as she was now seventeen. However Hermione's bad luck would not allow her happiness for long as she would soon discover in her finally year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Alright! So here's chapter 2 of Oh! Not Good! As I said in the first chapter it is post HBP but I am keeping Dumbeldore alive and Draco Malfoy and his mother have gone into hiding and are part of The Order of the Pheonix now. Please enjoy and let me know what you think... Bria_

**_Chapter 2 Platform 9 and 3/4 and the Hogwarts Express_**

Hermione grunted as she carried her trunk into the train station towards Platform 9& 3/4. Today she was going back to Hogwarts which was like her second home. Well, now it was like her first home since the house she and her parents lived in had been demolished during the attack.

She finally found a trolley and placed her trunk, along with Crookshanks' cage, on top of it. She entered Platform 9& 3/4 quickly and began to unload her things to get onto the train. Just as she lifted her trunk from the trolley it burst open and her things went flying everywhere, including her lacy under garments. Hermione let out a frustrated sigh. At least she was an hour early so no one was there to humiliate her further. Boy, was she wrong. She had quickly gathered her book and clothes until all that was left were her knickers.Just as she reached for thefirst pair of herlacy,black thongs that had flown a few feet away, another hand snatched them up. She could feel her cheeks begining to burn as she looked up. Her day just kept getting better and better. Before her, thong in hand, was none other than Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret. Go figure.

"Granger, I never would have figured you were the type for lace knickers." He smirked at her, making her wish that she could slap it off. "And here I always thought you were a prude." His smirk grew even wider and her cheeks turned redder than ever. _' Oh, Dear God. What did I do to deserve this?'_She asked silently. There was no answer. Again, go figure. Just when she thinks things can't get worse she finds herself kneeling on the platform,knickers all around her, in front of Draco sodding Malfoy. Just _perfect!_ She cursed herself for not making sure that her trunk was securely locked. After all of the humiliation you'd think she would have learned. Yeah right.

"Malfoy. Just give me back my thong, you prat." She hissed through her ever growing embarrassment. She could feel the flush getting worse. She held her hand out towards him, hoping against hope, that he would return her under garment so that she could go through her humiliation in piece. Her bad luck wouldn't have it though.

"Oh, but Granger, I like them. Can't I have them?" He asked with a sneer on his face and a laugh in his voice. Hermione's anger began to build along with her utter humiliation. She couldn't believe this ass! He was standing there holding herknickers as though it was the most natural thing in the world. She knew that she had to get them back and did the only thing she could. She lunged for them. Soon Malfoy was holding her knickers high over his head and she was jumping up and down trying to reach them with all her might. That was how they were when all of the students flooded onto the platform. Hermione immediately quit jumping and turned an astounding shade of scarlet. '_Oh... my... God...'_ A small whimper escaped her throat as everyone stopped to stare at her and Malfoy, fighting over her knickers. As he stared in shock she quickly snatched her knickers up and threw all of them into her trunk, making sure it was secure. She dumped her trunk onto the growing pile of luggage, grabbed her bag and Crookshanks's cage and hurried off to the Head's compartment, her blush never leaving.

The train ride grew steadily worse with Hermione breaking a window, sitting on a Pumpkin Pastie, and learning that Malfoy had made Head Boy, which had caused her to stutter incoherently. How in the world she had gotten such bad luck in the first place no one would ever know, but the terrible truth was that she had it none the less. After she had gotten over the shock of Malfoy being Head Boy she had turned to leave the compartment and had walked right into the door, breaking her nose. After a quick healing spell put it back to normal she had left with as much dignity as she could muster, which had basically been none whatsoever.

After searching for half an hour she had found Ginny in an empty compartment in the very rear of the train. They talked for the remainder of the train ride, excepting the half hour or so that Hermione spent vomitting after eating one of Fred and George's sweets. It had been horendous. Not only did it make her vomit but it had made her projectile vomit for a half hour straight! When she had re-entered the compartment she had been pale and gaunt. Ginny had informed her that she looked very much like the walking dead that way. The worst part was that before she had had enough time to recover the driver had announced that they would be arriving soon and she realized, to her dismay, that she had left her bag back in the Head's compartment. That meant that Malfoy would have to see her this way, which, she was positive, would be hell on the highest level.

As she had predicted Malfoy had ridiculed her and laughed endlessly. He had laughed for so long that it was still ringing in Hermione's ears as she left to change in the bathroom. She could even hear it as she left the train. It didn't help one bit that she had to share the carriage ride to the castle with the little ferret himself. _Just lovely._

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_A/N: Okay. So that is all for chapter 2. I know that it was short but I promise that the third one will be out soon. All of the chapters will be moderately short but the story will be very, very long. I can promise you that. Anyways... Hope you enjoyed it. Would love reviews to let me know what you think._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 And It Keeps Getting Worse...**_

Hermione's luck just kept getting worse and worse and it seemed as though Malfoy just doubled the power of the bad luck. Every time that he was around it was as though her bad luck just went crazy. She couldn't understand it. Again the 'why me' question, and again no answer.

Hermione made her way from the carriage through the doors and towards the Great Hall. On her way to dinner McGonagall pulled her and Malfoy aside. "Now, I need to explain a few things to you before dinner. Firstly you will be making a 'grand entrance' when Dumbledore announces the new Head Boy and Head Girl during his speech. As you both know Head Boy and Girl are to set an example for the other students in the school. This means that, Mr. Malfoy, you and Miss Granger need to act as though you two get along in front of the other students, especially the first years. There are many duties that the two of you must see to as the Heads. I will give you a list of these duties after dinner. I will also be showing you to your new dorms after dinner."

As McGonagall made to leave the last part dawned on Hermione. "Pardon me, proffessor. Did you say our new dorms?" she questioned nervously.

"Oh yes. Of course. I almost forgot. You, Ms. Granger, and you, Mr. Malfoy, will be sharing a common room that will connect your dorm rooms. It is a secret tradition for the Heads to have their own private dormitories. All of that will be explained to you after dinner when I show you to your quarters. Now, go stand before the doors. When you hear your names called enter the hall and walk calmly to your respective seats. If you will both excuse me, I have to begin the sorting." She rushed off leaving the two teenagers standing there, staring after her.

Hermione slowly pulled herself from her reverie and began to make her way to the large double doors that would lead into the hall for dinner. She stood there, switching from foot to foot, waiting anxiously when she heard a noise that was most unwelcome. She turned slowly, praying that it was not what she had thought. _'SPLAT!'_ As Hermione turned she was hit square in the face by an ice cold water balloon. "Peeves!" She screamed, suddenly shivering violently.

Malfoy began to laugh at her shivering, blue-lipped form when '_SPLAT!'_, a second water balloon came crashing down on top of his silky, silver hair. "Peeves!" he shouted as he too began to shiver uncontrollably. "I... swear... I'll... get ... you... for ... this... Peeves..." he choked out between chattering teeth. For this they both got another balloon in the face.

Just then the doors opened to reveal a sopping wet Head Boy and Girl who had both turned a violent shade of blue. Peeves flew off with a cackle. Hermione began to blush as she felt all eyes on her and Malfoy. '_Oh! __Fan-fucking-tabulous_.' was the only thought in her head. Dumbledore did a quick drying spell that did nothing to warm either of them up. The hall broke into gales of laughter and Malfoy and Granger looked at each other in question. Then they noticed. Hermione's hair had poofed up during the drying spell, and she now greatly resembled a poodle who had, unfortunately, just gone through the dryer. Malfoy's hair had also mutinied. His hair was quite frizzy and sticking up in every direction as though he had stuck his finger into a light socket. Hermione started to laugh only to have it interrupted by a rather loud sneeze, which Malfoy followed suit.

McGonagall came down from the high table and escorted them both out of the hall quickly. She led them to their new dormitories and ushered them in, telling them the password 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'. She made them both change and come back down to the common room. They laid down on opposite couches and covered themselves with the throws on the backs. "I am terribly sorry to say this, but Madam Pomphrey is out of Pepper Up potion so you will both have to get over this on your own. As it is Friday you have no classes for the next two days, however, I will have you excused from Mondays and Tuesdays classes as well. I will be back in the morning to check up on the both of you. There are three letters on the coffee table addressed to both of you. They are from Proffessor Dumbledore and are to simpy explain a few rules and the like. Now I bid you goodnight." with this she turned and left the room quickly, leaving the teenagers alone once more.

Hermione stared at the boy across from her. "All right, Malfoy..." she began slowly. "Truce until we're better? I would go to my room and leave you here, but seeing as I barely have the strength to lift my head I can't. So how about it?"

Malfoy stared at her for a moment before slowly nodding his head. "Deal. But this is just until we're better, Granger." he warned. Hermione nodded back.

She lifted her wand hand and said "Accio." In moments she had two boxes of tissues, one of which she slid across the table to Malfoy, a bottle of asprin, some benadryl, cough suppressants, and two bottles of water. She pulled out four benadryl and gave two to Malfoy, folowed by a cough suppressant and two asprin for each of them. She then slid him a bottle of water.

Malfoy stared at her as she swallowed the medicine and washed them down with water. "What the bloody hell are these, Granger?" he questioned nervously.

"Oh, I forgot. These are muggle medicine. The two blue pills are for your nose. They'll clear it so you won't be so stuffy and won't sneeze so much. The white ones are called asprin. Those are for your temperature. They'll break the fever. And the little red one is a cough suppressant. It'll help with the cough so you can sleep. Just wash them down with water. Careful though. Swallow one or two at a time so you don't choke and they don't taste good so wash with the water quickly." she said all of this in a stuffy school teacher voice.

Malfoy stared at her as though she had grown two heads. "You want _me_ to take _muggle _medicine?" he asked slowly.

Hermione sighed exasperatedly. "Malfoy, if it makes you feel better what difference does it make if it is muggle or wizarding?"

He stared for a while longer and looked down at the pills again. He picked them up slowly and followed her instructions with a grimace.

Hermione nodded. "Now, give them about an hour to kick in and you should go right to sleep." she stated.

"What do you mean an hour, Granger? It takes a whole bloody hour?"

"Yep. Muggle medicine has to be ingested and once that is done it has to disolve in your stomach acid before spreading through your system. The whole proccess takes about an hour." She sneezed into a tissue.

Malfoy quickly conjured tea for the both of them. They had to move the quickly growing pile of tissues on the table to set them down. In an hour, as promised, they were both asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4 The Morning After and Shocking Discoveries_**

Hermione woke slowly the next morning to light shining in her eyelids. She blinked and covered her face a little until her eyes adjusted. As she opened her eyes fully she looked around her and remembered what had happened the night before. Her gaze landed on Malfoy still sleeping on the couch across from her. She felt a little better than she had the night before but not too much. She vanished the tea cups and tissues with a wave of her wand. She studied Malfoy's sleeping form and she softened a little. He looked so innocent when he was sleeping. She just wished that that rang true when he was awake, but she knew better. Malfoy was a git when he was awake, but at least while he slept she was safe from sneers, smirks, and the typical 'mudblood' insults. Just as this thought entered her mind her nose began to itch. She scrunched it up and willed herself not to sneeze. Realizing that this was fruitless she quickly grabbed a fresh tissue and sneezed as quietly as she could. Unfortunately, that small noise was all it took for the evil Malfoy to rear his ugly head. He groaned and his eyes blinked open. _'Fucking figures.'_ was Hermione's thought as his eyes connected with hers.

"Do you always have to be so loud in the morning, mudblood?" He asked with the usual sneer in place. Hermione glared at this only to have his sneer grow larger. Uggh. "By the way, mudblood, your hair is even more of a rat's nest than usual. You look absolutely atrocious in the morning." Hermione felt her blood beginning to boil. That was _it! _That was the _last _straw! How dare he! Not only was she terribly sick and beginning to feel as though her head would explode now she had to deal with his rudeness and arrogance _this_ early in the morning? Nope. No way. Not a chance in hell!

"Why, you... you... _creaton_! How dare you insult me in such a way! In case you hadn't noticed, _Malfoy," _She practically spat the name as though it were some vile curse that should never be uttered. "_I_ am not the only one who looks positively foul this morning." She smirked as she took in his appearance. If she had thought that he had stuck his finger in a light socket _last_ night it was nothing compared to this morning. His hair was sticking up in basically _every_ direction possible, and was beginning to _curl _she noticed with a chuckle. He also had bags under his eyes large enough to pack for a trip to Paris, not including the dark circles. She knew that she most likely looked worse, but to see _Malfoy_ in such a state was positively delightful. "I had no idea that your hair was naturally curly, Malfoy. How cute..." She smirked as his face dropped and then let out a huge laugh as she conjured a mirror for him to check his appearance in. This was _priceless. _It was certainly a memory that she would never, ever forget!

Seeing his stunned face made her feel so much better that she was almost happy that they had both gotten hit with water balloons the night before. There was no way that she would ever let him live this down. Also... how else would she have gotten the chance to see him this way had they both not gotten sick? Ahhh... Today was turning out to be a good day!

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_**A/N:** I'm terribly sorry that it's taken me this long to update and that it was so short a chapter, but I actually have a good excuse. I just had surgery about a month and a half ago, so... See? I told you the excuse was good. -------------------- Anyways... I wanted to let all of you know that the next chapter will be considerably longer though slightly more boring than usual. After all they are confined to the room so the really humiliating stuff should be about two chapters away. I am having loads of fun writing this and would really appreciate your input on how I'm doing. Thanks a lot, and the next chapter should be up by Friday at the latest! Til Next Time... Bria_


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